I was dumped on Oct. 12.

That was the day before I left for this year’s Washington Newspaper Publishers Association convention in Wenatchee.

He decided it was better to break up with me before my trip rather than after I got back. The day I got back, on Oct. 15, I found out that my grandpa was on his deathbed. He died on Oct. 17.

But this blog isn’t about the timing of the breakup – it’s about how he dumped me. I didn’t realize it until now, but he was practically quoting the movie “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

I saw the movie when it was new in 2009. It’s about how men and women can and do misinterpret each other’s words and actions while in or pursuing a relationship.

I was telling my cousin about the breakup yesterday, after my grandpa’s funeral, when she interrupted me with: “That’s ‘He’s Just Not That Into You.'”

“What?”

“That’s a line straight from the movie ‘He’s Just Not That Into You.'”

The following is the movie scene she – or he – was referring to in regards to our breakup. I have bolded the lines the heartbreaker gave me. They were almost quoted word for word back to me.

Woman 1: I used to think that I had never been dumped.

Woman 2: Yeah, and then we started comparing notes, and then we realized – wait a second – we’ve both been dumped by every man we’ve ever been with.

Woman 1: Every. One.

Woman 2: Yeah!

Woman 1: They do it so skillfully.

Woman 2: Mmm-hmm!

Woman 1: So sneaky. That you think that it was your idea.

Woman 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. You’re sitting back, and you’re like, “Oh, oh, oh, yeah, this is my idea, but then, wait a second. Why am I alone?”

Woman 1: “Why am I unhappy? Why have I gained 20 pounds?”

Woman 2: Mmm-hmm!

Woman 1: They genuinely mind trick you.

Woman 2: Yes, they do!

Woman 1: You know what I’m saying?

Woman 2: Yeah! And they got those lines that they like to tell you.

Woman 1: Yeah, like, “Oh, I don’t want to stand in your way.”

Woman 2: Oh, or, “You’re perfect. It’s just I have to work on myself.”

Woman 1: Or, “I’m just thinking of your happiness.”

Woman 2: “Oh, I don’t deserve you.” That’s my favorite.

Woman 1: You know what line that I don’t like?

Woman 2: Hmm?

Woman 1: “I’m so jealous of the guy that gets to marry you.” Well, that could’ve been you.

Woman 2: Yeah!

Woman 1: That’s what I was leaning toward.

Woman 2: Yeah! And let me tell you something. The second that you hear that, you just run to the store, get yourself some roms and a tub of ice cream, because you have been dumped.

Well, shit. I guess he just wasn’t that into me.

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