I don’t know why you say goodbye, I say hello.

Writing is my (break-up) therapy, so it seems only natural that I write a blog about Tyler James Samson.

Tyler was never officially my boyfriend — we weren’t going to be stupid and rush into a relationship before we were ready — but we dated for four months. Needless to say, I was asked if he was my boyfriend a lot, so I got used to telling the curious that he was my “pre-boyfriend.”

Pre-boyfriend? Yeah, it was stupid then and it’s stupid now. What he and I both didn’t want to admit was that Tyler was not interested in a relationship with me. I asked about his feelings for me three months in, and a month later he finally admitted that he didn’t want a relationship — any relationship — at all.

It hurt for him to tell me that. It hurt a lot. Even so, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. You know what they say…

Tyler didn’t share that philosophy. He told me from the start that he didn’t want to rush into something serious for fear of hurting me and for fear of getting hurt. His philosophy was that the best relationships start as friendships.

I want to marry my best friend just as much as he wants it, absolutely. We were careful not to rush into a relationship — but we sure as heck didn’t start off as “just friends.” There was intrigue. There was intimacy. There was infatuation.

And there was our problem. (Maybe there were more, I don’t know.)

When Alex and I broke up, it was like I was too sad to cry. With Tyler, it was different. I would cry at home while washing the dishes, whenever I could hide in the bathroom at work, in the car when a love song was playing on the radio.

I was sad and crying because, once again, I was robbed of that in-love-with-him feeling. I was not in love with Tyler, but I was definitely falling for him.

Tyler was the first man I dated where I actually said to myself: I could see myself marrying him. I told only my best friend, Vonna. (Now, the Internet.)

He satisfied all of my senses. No, seriously. Examples: He smells sooooo good. (I would tell him that, just like that.) It’s not his soap, not his shampoo, not his laundry detergent, not his cologne — I checked — it’s just him. And he feels sooooo good. (I would tell him that, just like that too.) Sometimes, it was like holding his body next to mine was the best feeling in the world. Or holding his hand.

He is intelligent, creative and ambitious. He likes music, art and games. He draws on the walls just because he can. He is open-minded. He prefers quality over quantity. He plays the guitar and Ultimate Frisbee. He is practically OCD about brushing his teeth. He looks oh-so-fine in a hoodie and jeans. He’s not afraid of affection. He texts like thiiiiiissssss and thaaaaat so you know how he’s exaggerating his words.

But then there’s this, from “10 signs your date isn’t The One“…

5. Your love interest isn’t ready: “We really hit it off,” she said. “He would call me from work daily, saying that he missed me and couldn’t wait to see me again. But the closer we got, the more he started to pull back. Finally, I threw in the towel, realizing that even though we were compatible in many ways, he was not emotionally ready for a relationship.”

Wow, that fits Tyler to a T.

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